My Life or My Future Life?

Been think more and more about myself lately..... Am i going to die? or survive? That question remains only for kami & the one who decided my life to decide...
Love, life, Actions, Decisions, Attitide, are all that i've been thinking recently.....

Love
I know that like you, but not sure if i've trurly love you.... everytime i see posts of your emo-ness, e.g. i miss you, i can't stop thinking about you, etc, i always feel regret that i made you this way.... I don't know if you still love me, coz you once said on fb that u'll stop thinking about me, but ended up saying u'r still thinking of me... I really so feel so bad that i'm hurting both of us so badly...
& i've been thinking about my words & actions to you... I'm sorry that i keep saying that you were wrong... i was in the wrong too, i've pushed through into you with brute force & hurt you so deep. I'm really sorry... I'll make up to you for anything. If you need or want anything, just tell me & i'll be there to help if i'm capable of doing...

Life
Will my life be a mesirable one? or will it be a happy one? Who will decide for me?

Actions
My past action have made my mesirable now.... My present actions still makes me mesirable.... I guess i've lead a mesirable life since i'm born....

Decisions
I've been in a life of 'can't decide.' I've have to learn to decide as early as possible... In life, everything have to be decided....

Attitude
My attitude have changed alot since i was a child.... from a happy since a child, crybabdy kid is primary school, angry teenager in secondary school, brinless young adult in ITE, smiling like a dumbo in part-time working life....
My attitude is different when i'm with different clique of friends.... Sorry if i'm not the type that you like me to, but that's me, changing of attitudes....

Good bye for now...

Thinking about life?

I know how you feel when u post something as your status on Facebook everytime. You don't know how to face me... So i still willing to wait for you, cause you are still young in may ways. Although i'm also young, i've learn somewhat sufficient amount of information about life, but i'm still learning & updating my memory.
And i think you are thinking about what my previous 3 posts mean or what did you or me did wrong... Right or wrong? I've been keeping quiet because i was waiting for you to be ready for our relationship. Because in a relationship, what can help in sustaining it is the communication. If you can't say what u feel or unable willing to listen to what i feel, thani feel that it won't last long even if i move forward. If you are waiting for friendship, than i don't mind stepping forward cause friends are ment to remember one another. But if you are still shy, than there's no closer distance between us. If i move 1 step forward, you step 1 step backwards, no point in anything.
If you like, you could ask me anything & i'll answer you all that i know. Just like how you ask me the first question, "How do i know if a guy likes me or not?" (or something similar).

Now for my recent life.
Just yesterday, 16 July 2011, took off to got for my cousin's daughter's full month celebration. Giselle Yeo Zi Qing. Also saw Hwee Hwee & Gordon's new 4 room flat. they have 5 red ear slider terrapins, diff breed from my home's 2 red ear slider. Just watching them helps me to understand how they feel & helps me to relex. Their opposite flat were burnt when we got there. & the night TV news was reporting i also...
Than also i got the letter from CMPB, telling me it's time to serve Singapore as a full-time NSman. Starting from 10 August 2011. at Old Chua CHu Kang Road, Home Team. So i'm quiting my job at NTUC FairPrice (SGB) on 1 Aug 2011.

Sadening memories

I've been thinking about you since then. Listening to 'Fucking Perfect', 'Tu Ran Xiang Ai', 'Hua Sha' & 'Family' always reminds me of the times we were happily talking. Thought that you are one strange girl when u can talk so much about different stuff, but can't say a word about yourself. But i'm fine with it, cause you are who you are. I love you just the way you are.
(If you are reading this, I would like to say:) I'm sorry if i broke your heart when u read my previous post. Cause i feel that you are avoiding me just because i needed to ask & tell you something personally.
Thus, if you can, find a way on how to tell me how you feel. Cause you can't find your courage to talk to me when i asked you. So i'm always ready to hear from you anytime.